laughter time again

[Guest]

[mcgonagall]

Robert was due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died.  Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, “but within a month or two, my father will pass away and I'll inherit over 30 million dollars." The woman went home with Robert, and four days later she became his stepmother. Men will never learn.

[Nienna]

 

[Anna]

LOL

[ferdinand_the_yak]

Perfect

[saruman]

  lol thats good one alright

[Trey]

ha ha great  

[EmmasOneandOnly]

My mom loved it!!

[MakTheYak]

Ugh, daft bugger. ALWAYS WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE THE MONEY! Honestly, some people are dumb

[Morningangel-Iola]

These were collected by a well known dairy company as a selection of
actual notes left for the Milkman

 
1. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
 
2. "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."
 
3. "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it."
 
4. "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby,
and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
 
5. "Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a
dozen pints, but the other way around."
 
6. "When you leave my milk, knock on my bedroom window and wake me
because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."
 
7. "Please knock. My TV's broken down, and I missed last night's
SOPRANOS. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened?"
 
8. "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before
you deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle?"
 
9. "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two
months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me."

 10. "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."
 
11. "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint
on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want
any milk."
 
12. "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of
cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we need it to
play bingo tonight."

 
13. "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow,
for I wrote this note yesterday...or is it today ?"

 
14. "When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let
dog out, and put newspaper inside the screen door.
P.S. Don't leave any milk."

 
15. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."

[mcgonagall]

lol they where so cool  

[Anna]

These notes are funny!  Do they still have milkmen that do deliveries?

[Morningangel-Iola]

I do see a milkfloat occasionally but we haven't got any for years.

[Luluhime]

We still get our milk delivered  

[Anna]

We used to get milk delivered when I was very young, but they stopped delivering when I was about 6 or 7.  We used to have dairies in town too, but they're all gone now.

[Roz]

These notes are funny!  Do they still have milkmen that do deliveries?

Yes - both in Cambridge and in my home village in the New Forest

[mcgonagall]

For those with teenage daughters.

 A father passing by his daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the
bed
 was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
envelope
 propped up prominently on the centre of the bed. It was addressed,
Dad
"
 With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter
 with trembling hands:

 Dear Dad ,
 It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
elope
 with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and
 Mum.
 I've been finding real passion with Bill and he is so nice --even
with
 all
 his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's
not
 only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Bill said that we will be
very
 happy. He already owns a caravan and has a stack of firewood for the
 whole
 winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now
one
 my dreams too. Bill taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone
 and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for
>all
> > the
> > > > cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that
>science
> > will
> > > > find a cure for AIDS so Bill can get better; he sure deserves it!!
>Don't
worry Dad , I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself.
some day I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your
grandchildren.
 Your daughter,
 Judith
 PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's
house.
I
 just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than
my
 report card that's in my desk centre drawer. I love you!
 Call when it is safe for me to come home

[ferdinand_the_yak]

LOL - mcgonangall, where do you find these classics???

I've been rolling around with laughter at each and every one!

[mcgonagall]

friends and i trade them
we believe that everyone should have at least one good laugh a day

by the way these are the very very very tame ones
i would print the other due to young eyes lmao

But i am glad that you like them

[ferdinand_the_yak]

More jokes, more jokes! Can't we just put a MA rating on them?

*sulks* (just kidding. This is a family forum after all )

Thanks for posting them, they sure give me a good laugh!

[saruman]

lol that is funny the milkman thing although that mcdonnal;ds form is still the best