Something to put a smile on your face

[Guest]

[Morningangel-Iola]

Stupid but funny....

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back
"No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.........







........I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian"

[Anna]

   Kelly - That one reminds me so much of Abbott & Costello's "Whose on First?"

   Dawn - Yours definitely deserves a big groan.  

[grecopa]

Please tell me it's not true that George Bush said:

"the problem with the French is that there is no word in their language for entrepreneur"

- let me run that past you again - entrepreneur - derived from the French word entreprendre (to undertake)...

Urban myth or cringe-worthy truth?

Bless 'im

If he did indeed say it, I'm sure he did'nt mean it literally.  He (or whoever) was probably referring to their economic system?  Big socialists are'nt they?  And I'm sure we would have heard about it here in the US if he did say it.  I haven't heard a thing.

[Nienna]

Dawn ... that was truly dreadful - but it still made me laugh/cringe!!

I'm not going to make any comment about GB as I'm sure to offend somebody!

[Morningangel-Iola]

I got it from the other forum so its not really my fault. Although I did decide to share it so I suppose it is 

[Morningangel-Iola]

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

So I gave him a wave. Actually, it was more of a half wave, because I only half know him.

What use is happiness? It can't buy you money.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by drawings of guns.

We've got stained glass windows in our house. It's those damned pigeons.

The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.

My parents were wonderful, always there with a ready compromise. My sister wanted a cat for a pet I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you".

I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

My wife went to a beauty parlour and got a mudpack. For two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

It was raining cats and dogs and I fell in a poodle.

I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it.

This chap said to me, "If you look over there, you'll see Dumbarton Rock". Well, I looked for 20 minutes and the thing never moved an inch.


I went to the doctor and he told me I only had three minutes to live. I immediately asked if there was anything he could do for me, to which he replied that he could boil me an egg.

[Anna]

   My favorite one is "We've got stained glass windows in our house. It's those damned pigeons."

[Nienna]

  My fave was the 'shredded tweet'

[Morningangel-Iola]

People with cats will know these only too well.

http://www.millan.net/funp/60/catrules.html

[Nienna]

Yup! My cat is a MASTER (or I should say 'mistress') of all these manoeuvres the little minx!

[Morningangel-Iola]

I'm sure our cats wrote it

[HPfamily]

OOOOOOOHH!!!  Cleaning shag carpet!!!  Those were the days!! The memories are all flooding back now!!!

[grecopa]

Want to find out your new name?

The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And
the
Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil
Professor
forces everyone to assume new names...

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first
name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j ! = doofus
k = funky
l = boobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dips! y
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of
your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = barffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = farkle
j = monkey
k = flippin
l = fricken
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dingle
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of
your new last name:

a = butt
b = boob
c = face
d = nose
e = hump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = tush
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frack
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = hiney
z = juice

Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.

My name is Boobie Gizzardhump!

[darthmactor]

Well, following that list, I am Snooty DippinLips, and my roomie (much to my ammusement) is Crusty GorillaButt. 

[ferdinand_the_yak]

LOL - I am Snooty Chucklehead

[blackcat20]

Im Tootsie Pottydoodle   :'( thats terrible 

[AndyfanLOTR]

I'm Chessy Dippinhiney

[canny19]

I'm Dorfus Gorilladoodle

That was good! 

[HPfamily]

 

I'm GOOBER FRICKENBUTT!!!!

 

*wipes tears from eyes from laughing too hard*

[Nienna]

err according to the formula, my 'new' name is Boobie PottyDoodle 
Nice!