These are actual questions asked by tourists in Australia. What can I say - you make us laugh!
Heard the one about the Japanese couple who hailed a taxi at Sydney airport and wanted to be driven around the island of Australia?
travellers
Travel operators have heard them all, mainly because they are on the receiving end of the weird and wonderful queries, questions and complaints posed by clients.
Travellers from Europe – but, more particularly, the US – have one or two strange ideas when they contemplate travelling Down Under.
Tour operator Australian Pacific Touring (APT) reports that some Europeans and Americans have blamed mysterious ailments or lethargy on the fact they're "upside Down Under".
Others have asked a variety of bizarre questions before embarking on their trip to Australia, such as:
"Can I pick up my motor home in Auckland and drop it off in Darwin?"
"Hi! Regarding the 'slashed seat sale', what actual condition are the seats in?"
"Where can I see the hobbits in NZ?"
"Do they have a bridge so we can drive out to the Great Barrier Reef?"
"We're prone to sea-sickness ... how much is parking on the Great Barrier Reef?"
"Hi! I'd like a tour to New Zealand from Australia, but I don't want to fly – can the coach depart from Australia?"
"Can you please take me around the Date Line, rather than over it, as it makes it a bit too confusing to calculate my arrival date."
"I assume I will need a passport to travel to Tasmania."
Other bookings have caused other forms of amusement, such as a Mr Loveless and Ms Hooker travelling together.
Complaints, too, have been a source of humour, such as a disgruntled traveller grumbling he did not receive a tent with his itinerary for an escorted camping tour. APT staff gently advised him the tents would be supplied on tour.
Coach tour guide Craig Hill in his comprehensive new book Europe Coach Touring and Travel Journal lists some of the odd complaints he has dealt with over the years, including:
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea – the children were startled."
"We had to queue outside with no air-conditioning."
"It is your duty as tour operator to inform us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
"It took us nine hours to fly to Jamaica from England, yet
it only took the Americans three hours."
"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation.' My friend and I are hairdressers; will it be OK for us to stay there?"
"I was bitten by a mosquito. No-one said they could bite."
"We booked an excursion to the water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"There were too many Spanish people in Spain. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish, too many foreigners."
While travel broadens the mind as much as it lightens the wallet, bear in mind any of these people may be fellow travellers on your next trip.
Happy travelling!
